remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
