She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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