I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
