Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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