genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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