1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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