piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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