Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
