Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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