moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
