you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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