i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
