he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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