Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
