There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
