Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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