Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
