Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You dont lie about slip and slides
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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