i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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