I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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