No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
