it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
