Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
