Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
