Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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