I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
