You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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