Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can you bring me the toilet please
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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