i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
