you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
