Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
