i just sent this text using only my big toe
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
