I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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