i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
