Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
