Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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