Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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