you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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