i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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