Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
