I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
