Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
