we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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