i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
