we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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