I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
