You can't motorboat a personality
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
