Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
