just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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