Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
