Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
