He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
