My balls are so social today.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
