Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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