It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
