she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
