Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
