Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize