I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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