i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize