Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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