is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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