Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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