I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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