Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
