She is in my trunk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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