In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
