And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
