I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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