remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
