my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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