I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
